Darcy Schmidt Naked Artist

Naked Artist presents "NAKED" April 12th, 2002 Vancouver, BC, Canada photos by Annette Wooff		I arrive at the intersection of Robson & Burrard promptly at 11am. I am greeted by Keith, a CBC cameraman, and I explain to him just what kind of angle to shoot at to make my ample pink butt look its best.


I head out into the street with squeegee and spray bottle in hand, and approach my first potential customer. I am turned down, probably because I have never squeegeed before, and they would prefer a squeegee dude with a bit more experience.	I don't have any better luck with the driver of this car either, and it may be due to my $100.00 price tag. "Hey, life ain't cheap! And I gotta pay for my gym membership and you can't exactly get these fancy jock straps at the dollar store, ya know?!?"	I make an unsuccessful pitch to this mini-van, while making sure that I am posed "just so" for Keith (right) and Teresa Waclawik (left) who is taking slides of my first day on the squeegee circuit.

In case you haven't noticed,
I've been workin' out!

I am sporting a brand spanking new zebra print jock strap for the occasion and it presents my "package" magnificently.

Notice how the suds in my spray bottle match my pink skin tone.

You'll be delighted to know that I have a 46" chest and a bubble butt that is absolutely TO DIE FOR!!! I possess a fabulous set of washboard abs, and my belly button is an "inny" - you may choose to sip fine Cognac from it (for a reasonable price).

	The driver of the #17 bus regrettably rejects my offer of a $100.00 squeegee as she is really, truly unable to open up that fare box to get the cash. Or maybe she simply prefers a more slender squeegee-er. Never-the-less she seems absolutely "tickled pink" that I have spoken with her and the experience has brightened up her morning. We part company having become fast friends.	The following images are rated XXX


Perhaps the jock strap is hiding my best asset, thus hindering client prospects. So I whip it off...	...and strut around at the corner. I make sure EVERYONE gets and eyeful...	...and I do some poses for the press. "Is it hot enough for ya?"

"I guess it's time to get back to work!"

I head back out into the street. This time I am "starkers". I pose seductively and make a pitch to the driver of this van. She doesn't have time or money for the $100.00 full service squeegee, but accepts my offer of a free introductory squeegee on a 6 inch square of windshield. She is delighted with the results and gives me a $5.00 tip. In gratitude, I give her a peck on each cheek and she drives off.


Back on the corner I try to figure out where to stash my recently acquired wealth. Being naked there is only one suitable place to hide anything, so I promptly fold the bill a few times and stick it up my bum...	...and prance out into the street in search of one more paying customer.	I pause for a moment to chat with Ian Lindsay of the Vancouver Sun. IAN: "so, have you always been naked?" ME: "just since 11am."

	Over on the sidewalk a small crowd of curious onlookers takes it all in. They squeal with delight as I touch myself and tug on my nipples.		I pose with them for a group (or is that "grope"?) shot. Everyone grabs a handful of me as the cameras flash. "I'm a star!"

My next stop is Virgin Records, just down the block. I make an offer to the security guard to do a front window for $1,000.00. He asks for a quote for all of their front windows (about 6) at a special package price. I estimate $3,000.00. He is delighted with this estimate, and I proceed to do a free intro squeegee on a 1 foot square section of window. He marvels at the skills I have acquired even though this is my first day on the job. His manager comes out, unimpressed, and I head back to the corner.

			END
I dash across Burrard Street to catch up with Robin from Xtra West...	...we introduce ourselves and exchange pleasantries.	As Robin is a professional she looks me directly in the eye, not even once glancing down to check out my gi-normous unit. Once we finish chatting my day is complete, and I head home to rest up for another day.

this clipping is from
WESTENDER
April 11-17, 2002
page 5

The performance was WILD and well attended by the media and an unsuspecting public.

This event would not have been possible without the coaching and technical support given by Teresa Waclawik, Annette Wooff, Sharon Hollingsworth and Camille Gignac. Thanks also to Alexis Ioannidis from Balloon Action, Miriam Jurigova and Christopher Davidson for coming out and making it all so special for me on the street. And my parents for always standing behind be no matter how crazy the art gets, and Laura Margita for encouraging me to be as WILD and SEXY an artist as possible.

Special thanks to Tom Zillich and the staff at the "WESTENDER" who gave me such great advance publicity, Keith from CBC television for filming the event, and Ian Lindsay from The Vancouver Sun for photgraphing the event - Thank You for supporting living artists and promoting a cultural scene here in "The 'Couve"!

Darcy Schmidt, Naked Artist
April 12th, 2002, 3pm PDT

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